In comes my 'Calvin'

A new life in my life…

Two major changes I have dared in my life 

• Marriage 
• Child 

Both brought in new lives in to my life, but the recent addition has brought in most unexpected but immensely pleasurable yet terrifying changes into my life…

Right from the beginning I have dreaded the idea of a helpless child in my lap, not cos I will have to care for him/her or cos of the difficulty involved… but because I dread the responsibility it brings in, more specifically, I am worried that this lil one’s life rests in my arms… at least until he/she is old enough to take their own decisions and take responsibility for all their decision… until that time, all their decisions and responsibilities lie with us - the parents… how am I gonna cope with this? Will I do a good job at parenting?

I didn’t find my husband worrying this way… for him it seemed to be a natural progression from being a husband to a father… few days back he asked me “u used to get scared of the whole bringing up a baby thing, do u still feel that way”… well yes I still feel that way.

But for now, life is wonderful with a lil one, learning new things every day, trying his hands on new adventures, growing ever so quickly. Now that he is almost a year old, I can say this, although first few months were damn scary, in spite of having all the help from my parents… caring for an underweight premature baby is very difficult, I hope no one has to go through those trials… but I was much better off compared to several other mothers - I saw waiting in front of the NICU, weeping at the sight of their tiny lil ones hands and feet, turning blue due to the unending needle pricks (for IV)

Mine has been fussy when it comes to feeding, it continues even now although he is taking semi solids, it is a 1 hr long program, each sitting, to get him to eat a cup of rice/cerelac/ragi chari. He continues to be underweight, although very active and mischievous enough to make us all tired at home.

Few things I wish I had done –  

• I never kissed my son when he was tiny – for the fear of infection  
• Never held his tiny toes and fingers in my hands and played with them (although I do it now) He was always wrapped, layer over layer, cos he was to be kept warm… 
• Never got to pinch his chubby cheeks, cos... well… he never got any chubby cheeks  
• Never bathed, put powder or dressed him in the first few months – cos I was scareddddddddddd to death. 

But whatever it may be, today I am very happy and thankful to have a healthy and very active little boy… I bathe him, I dress him, I play with him, talk to him, read to him, sing to him...  He likes music, I think he would grow up in the same mode, may be play some instrument or sing!!  I've noticed he luvs the sound of string instruments -> Guitar, Veena, Piano, he usually stops wht ever hez been doing the pays attention to the sound. :)  Hez a curious lil monkey, he looks under carpet, foot rug, or even our feet...  he tries to unscrew the bottle, and somehow he finds my mangalya to be very interesting... It has slowly become his favorite toy, sufficient to get him out of biggest of tantrums.  He will turn it round and round and watch it closely as though inspecting the making ;)  One more fav toy it seems is my hair, anybody's hair...  he will hold the hair in both fists and start pulling such that I would require someone's help to free myself from his clutches :( 

Well, that is him today...  but tomorrow? I see kids around me, all high above where we were at their age, with gadgets, playstations, computers and internet and facebook accounts, it’s a hi-fi generation… and handling that, I am sure is a whole new ball game- bringing them up “properly”, saving them from unseen foes, making them understand the dangers lurking… My mum and dad had a much easier task at hand ( I am sure they will jump on me and fight with me for this comment)

Hmmm… I am jumping a few steps here, cos right now I need to cope with my son trying to climb the stairs while he can barely crawl on the floor. But this is just the beginning. Its gonna come to all the above mentioned issues one day… and I hope to be able to make this young fellow understand what is being said rather than being forced to follow whatever is being said… 

As my cousin said... Having baby is a life long job, today you worry about feeding him, tomorrow it will be somthing else and day after, some other thing!! 

So...  wish me luck!